As this new year started, after 2022 being a big year of change for me, I find myself struggling again. Being lonely sucks…
First, let’s talk about friends. I really thought I’d make some close friends after being involved in so many things last year. There’s been two movies I really wanted to see in cinemas recently and I honestly couldn’t think of anyone to go with me.
And I’ve really tried and put myself out there. I send messages to people about catching up. Some of them say they will let me know a good time for them, some take days to respond, and some don’t respond at all. After all the effort, feel like I just have more acquaintances.
Every second weekend when I don’t have the kids, I try to keep myself busy. But it’s so lonely. I visit the gym and do my shopping. Otherwise I sit at home by myself. That’s what I’ve been doing this weekend. Being lonely sucks.
Haven’t even talked about the worst part of the loneliness. Four years of being separated and not one date or anything close to it. To make it worse, I was lonely for the last five plus years of my marriage. Dating apps are horrible for men my age. And any beautiful women I’ve met are either in a relationship or way too young for me.
It’s really noticeable when I have a rotten headache or feel sick. There’s no one here to look after me. Not a huge deal, but it would be nice if someone was here that cared about me.
This all makes it really difficult to keep my self confidence up too. Is there something wrong with me? Sometimes I think women must find me really unattractive. And then I have a bad day with my IBS and think no one would possibly put up with that, so what hope do I have?
Being lonely sucks! Don’t know what else I can do this year to make it any better. I’m not going to change who I am, especially now that I’ve found myself for the first time in my life. Guess I will just keep being myself and hope for the best.