One thing I’ve come to realize over the past year is that so many life choices come down to having courage. To be brave and not worry what others will think is certainly my biggest challenge.
New Years is a time for resolutions for everyone. Before last year, I would make all these goals and plans. Then I wouldn’t follow through. But I didn’t believe in myself and what I could achieve. Most of my choices last year, though, took a lot of courage.
The best example of that is when I started singing. I’d never taken any lessons or sang to anyone. Not even any karaoke. The only times were at home and there was a certain someone that would just make fun of me, so it didn’t last long. I was used to performing as an actor, so I think that helped a bit.
My memory of my first lesson is that I was extremely nervous just to sing in front of one person. Not only was I brave enough to keep going with those lessons, but after a couple months, auditions for the local musical came up. That was my biggest test. My first thought was there was no way I could sing for an audition.
Previously, I would have just given up. But something in me pushed me to go through with it. I didn’t worry about how I would sound, just thought why not go for it. What’s the worst thing that could’ve happened? Then getting a role in the show was such a huge validation for me.
That wasn’t the only challenge though. What took even more courage was the social aspect of it all. I still get worried about what others think of me, but I really wanted to make some friends. And I’m just so glad I put myself out there. Performing for the audience was so much fun, but hanging out with all those wonderful and talented people for so long was what made it such a great experience.
My end of year concert with my singing teacher was so much harder. To actually sing solo in front of an audience was so nerve wracking. Felt sick about having to do it. It was a pretty amazing feeling though to do it and get a lot of positive feedback. Also to see how proud my kids were of me.
I’ve kept this blog anonymous because this was more for self therapy than anything. Hadn’t told anyone about this except for my psychologist, but didn’t give her the website. Then I was talking to one of my close friends in Canada recently. Something in me decided to tell her about this. It felt really good to share this with a loved one. Let’s see if I can be brave this year and tell some more people close to me…