I’ve been separated for over four years and it’s difficult not spending as much time with my kids. Being a dad is the best part of my life.
I remember the day we told our kids I was moving out. They were seven years old at the time (twins). There was a lot of crying. It was the most heartbreaking moment of my life. I didn’t take this decision lightly, it took many years of misery in my marriage to come to this moment and I knew it would be best in the long run.
My ex wife and I were in our mid thirties by the time the kids came along. I avoided it for a long time as I was worried what would happen if things didn’t work out, considering all my family live on the other side of the world. Guess I might have been onto something…
I don’t consider myself a kid person and I don’t think being a dad came naturally to me. My ex wife was meant to be a mother, which just made me feel out of place. But when I first met my daughter and my son, I finally knew what true love was.
My kids come to my place twice a week for dinner and stay here every second weekend. That’s the most I can do with working full time and having no one to help me out. I know my time with them now though is higher quality than it was when I was depressed and living with them. It doesn’t make it easy though.
Today is their birthday and I didn’t get to see them when they woke up. I’m meeting them for dinner tonight with my ex wife and her family and they will come here to open presents afterwards. Then I’ll take them home…
I don’t get to see their faces when they wake on Christmas or Easter. Most of the time I don’t get to comfort them when they’re sick or help them with their homework. Due to my daughter’s anxiety about being away from her mother for too long, we have only been away together once in all these years. They have been away with their mom too many times to count.
Don’t feel like we have made enough memories over the last four years. It’s tough too, as I want them to look forward to coming here, so I can’t be too strict with them. I try to make them dinners they love and let them do most things they want for fun.
But then I have moments like this past weekend. They let me practice my singing for them and my daughter ended up doing a duet with me for a song I was working on. The smile on her face was priceless. She wants to do it again soon. My son always complains that they don’t get long enough time here, which is nice too.
Being a dad may not have come naturally to me, but I work so hard to be a good one. Those kids are the best thing that ever happened to me. They make the whole world a better place just by being in it. I’m so proud of who they are becoming and can’t wait to see what their future holds. All these improvements I’ve made to my life over the past year and a half have certainly made me happier. Because I need to be the best version of myself for them too…