There is a lot of talk about loneliness in my blog posts. But I don’t often talk about my pursuit of love and how it’s difficult not to lose hope.
My ex wife and I got married when I was 22 years old after knowing each other for six months. We were married for nearly 20 years, but the final five or so years of that were pretty terrible. We may as well have been roommates during that time, not husband and wife. We never even touched each other, let alone anything else.
It has now been nearly five years since we separated. My confidence was shaken and it was tough to put myself out there in any way at the beginning. Then Covid hit and there wasn’t much opportunity in my pursuit of love.
So I haven’t been on a date with anyone other than my ex in over twenty years. I haven’t even been touched by a woman in about ten years. Dating apps just don’t work for me. Matching with someone is rare, but I continue to use these apps.
I thought that maybe getting involved with the local arts council doing musicals might help with my pursuit of love. But anyone I’m attracted to is either half my age or married. Someone was messaging me all last weekend so she may be interested in me, but unfortunately I’m really not into her like that. She is lovely and could be a great friend, so hopefully that is all she wants.
At this stage, I would even be happy with a “friends with benefits”situation. It isn’t ideal, but maybe that’s what I need to help with the loneliness. In saying that, I don’t know anyone that would be interested. I’m starting to wonder if there’s something wrong with me. Am I too nice or too average looking? Probably just not interesting enough.
I love my beautiful children more than anything, yet my heart still aches for something more. My life definitely improved a lot in the past year but I was really hoping my pursuit of love would go better. I keep telling myself that I will meet someone soon. Just not sure if I can continue to do that…