Do you ever feel like you are living someone else’s life? I definitely feel like that… One different life decision might have changed it all.
My dreams have not come true. I know it’s my own fault. A decision was made to marry someone I barely knew. She was from halfway across the world. Then the dominoes fell. I stopped pursuing my acting dream. Moved away from my home. And I’m not sure I was ever really in love with her.
When I was young, I always just imagined if I did have a family of my own, that holidays and other special events would be spent with my parents and brothers. My children would be best friends with their cousins and enjoy white Christmas every year. Now I’m not sure I was ever meant to be a parent. My daughter’s anxiety is worse than ever and it seems that maybe coming to my place is the main factor. I love my kids more than anything in the world, but it’s been tough in a different culture than I grew up in. Am I living someone else’s life?
Of course, my acting dream took a back seat to more realistic jobs where I made regular income for my family. Now that I’m rehearsing for the local musical, I see what I’ve been missing out on. This is what I was meant to do for a living, I know it. It’s probably too late though, I wasted too much time in a life that I knew wasn’t right.
No matter how much I feel like I’m living someone else’s life, I have to keep going in this life. But I need to keep trying to make it better for myself and my children. It’s just so tough on my own here. Feel like I’m on the verge of tears so often lately…