One of my favorite songs is ”OK Not To Be OK” by Marshmello and Demi Lovato. Over the last few years, I really wish someone would have said that to me…
On a particular day this past week, I hit breaking point. With everything that’s been happening lately, I felt like I couldn’t be at work. Also felt like I was on the verge of tears, couldn’t stop thinking about my issues. After a couple hours of feeling this way, I finally spoke to my assistant managers (trying not to cry when I did) and said I was going home early. They seemed to be understanding but didn’t really say much.
I really hate my job now, never wanted this role in the first place. And since I didn’t get the recent role that came up, I don’t feel like I can move into any other roles. Thought maybe finally all my years of hard work had paid off. Now I feel like I let my family and work colleagues down. It’s a struggle to even walk into work.
My daughter’s anxiety is getting worse. I’m so worried about her and my relationship with her. Keep thinking maybe there’s something I did to make her not want to stay overnight at my place. Have I failed her in that respect too?
And with these worries, my IBS symptoms have been really terrible lately. Most days I feel horrible until after lunch. Then that makes me upset too, because I just want to feel better.
The day I left early, I ended up having a nap. Slept for four hours! That certainly helped my mind. Went to work the next day and no one even asked how I was… Does anyone care? Maybe I just needed someone to say it’s OK not to be OK.
Try to stay positive and hopeful. Look for a new job. Pursue your dreams. Do whatever you can to help your daughter. Keep going to the gym. Enjoy your rehearsals for the musical. Put your feelings down in a blog that you’re not sure anyone even has read. All easier said than done…
As I sit here typing this, I can feel tears in my eyes. More than anything, I just want someone to tell me it’s OK not to be OK.