I haven’t posted for a while. There were so many things keeping me down. It’s been tough looking for the positive in my life.
In my last post, I talked about the rollercoaster that is life. I’ve tried so hard the last few years to make real changes. Just when I think things are looking up, some of it falls apart. I know that’s just how life is sometimes, but it sucks.
My stress and anxiety definitely manifest physically through my gut issues and my headaches. Maybe that’s why my gut directed hypnotherapy isn’t really working anymore. My IBS symptoms have been as bad as ever. That stresses me out, which just makes it worse. It affects my whole life – my time with my kids, my personal life (or lack thereof), and my job.
It should be easy looking for the positive when I’m so lucky to have two amazing children. I have a decent job and things could be worse financially. There are finally some good friends that don’t live on the other side of the world and I have a bit of a social life.
Anyone who has read my blog knows that acting has always been my passion. I didn’t get into the past couple local musical productions, but I got to help backstage again on the last one. It was nice being around these wonderful people. For the new show, I get to be part of the cast for the second time, which is a nice surprise. I should be happier about it, but for some reason I’m not as excited as I thought I’d be. Maybe it’s just everything else going on that’s standing in the way.
Sometimes it’s tough looking for the positive in my life. Especially when I’m still alone. I haven’t even kissed anyone in about ten years. My self confidence has definitely taken a hit lately. Every time I see a photo with me in it, I feel worse about myself. It’s starting to feel like I will never find someone.
I’m worried about my kids and their troubles. It’s so hard when I can’t do anything about my daughter’s anxiety getting worse again. All I can do is support her. My son is so obsessed with video games that I think it’s affecting his social life.
My job isn’t as great as I thought. There is a lot of politics and my boss has been really stressed out, so they take it out on me a bit. Maybe I’m still not happy in my work life because it’s not what I dreamt of doing.
All I can do is keep pushing forward and looking for the positive in my life. I kept thinking I was due for something amazing to come my way and that doesn’t seem to happen. Maybe it’s time to look for the little things each day that I’m grateful for and make me happy. I need to keep trying to make myself better and continue to fight against my IBS. Have to keep going, I got this.