It’s my favorite time of year, but it’s also the most difficult. This holiday is all about being with family and friends. But I feel so lonely at Christmas.
Christmas back in Canada when I was younger went like this. First of all, there were lights everywhere. For those of you that haven’t experienced a white Christmas, like a lot of people in Australia, it is so magical. It makes the holidays that much more exciting.
My mother would bake so many beautiful treats in the weeks leading up to Christmas. We would go to my grandparents’ farm on Christmas Eve along with all of our cousins and their parents. There was a big turkey dinner and we got to open a couple of presents. Then on Christmas morning, it was just my parents and my two brothers opening presents. It was always so amazing and there would be other friends and family members passing through that day, followed by another turkey dinner.
Fast forward to present day and Christmas in Australia. It’s summer and not many people put up lights. So there’s not that magical feeling leading up to the holiday. Usually it’s very hot, but luckily today it’s dark and raining and the same forecast for tomorrow. There’s something comforting about that for me.
My kids absolutely love Christmas so when they are at my place, it’s very magical. This house is so full of decorations and lights. We have a beautiful tree and presents underneath it. But they aren’t here all the time. Here’s where it gets lonely at Christmas.
It’s not my weekend with them, so for the past two days I’ve been alone. Christmas Eve today and if it wasn’t for the lights inside, I wouldn’t know it. I’ll wake up tomorrow morning alone. Then I will go to my ex-wife’s place for brunch with her parents and the kids. After that, I’ll come home by myself for the afternoon. That’s followed by dinner at her parents’ place, which is usually barbecue. Finally the kids will come back here after that to open presents and stay overnight.
I know it could be worse. At least I still get along with the kids’ mother and her parents. But my family is halfway across the world. I have finally made some friends this year, but they all have their own families to spend time with at Christmas. And I’ve been single for five years.
My Christmas spirit isn’t gone, I just wish I wasn’t so lonely. I have a Christmas carol playlist and listen to it regularly in December. Nearly every song is about being with the one you love. I also enjoy watching Christmas movies, but they all have love in them. It doesn’t matter if it’s a romantic one where they meet each other randomly and fall in love or if it’s Buddy the Elf getting together with a beautiful girl. Why can’t that happen to me? Five years and there’s been nothing like that.
I know life isn’t a fairytale or a movie. It’s so difficult though at this time of year. My life has changed so much for the better and everyone says love will come into your life when you least expect it. I’m getting impatient though. Not sure if there’s something wrong with me. Will next year finally be the time when I’m not lonely at Christmas?