Finally found it. After years of being halfway across the world from my family and friends in Canada and being so alone with such low self esteem, I found something recently. Whenever I’m at rehearsal for the upcoming musical, it feels like home.
As anyone that’s read my blog knows, there has been a lot of rough years. My marriage starting breaking down many years before I finally got the courage to end it. Then three years of separation with no family or friends besides my two wonderful young children. Not to mention Covid hit during that time. My life was extremely boring and lonely.
This year I decided it was time for change. My kids will be in this small town in Australia for the next 7 years at least, so I need to be the best version of myself for them. And I need to be happy. So I started going to the gym twice a week and doing yoga at home for ten minutes every day. Back in January and February, I was able to get back home to Canada to see my family and friends for the first time in three years.
My dream was always to be an actor. I’ve had experience as an extra in movies and roles in short films, even had an agent a couple times. But that dream fell by the wayside as life happened and especially once the kids were born. The town I live in has one option to get back into acting and that’s the local arts council. They put on two musicals every year.
So after getting involved with the last couple shows backstage, I decided to start singing lessons. My experience definitely does not include any singing or dancing!! Three months of singing lessons and got to audition for the new show. It was so amazing that I got in and am able to be part of the cast.
I am slowly getting to know everyone in the cast and crew. Going to rehearsals is so enjoyable. There are some worries as to how well I can perform in this but I’m actually not nervous for the eight shows we have to put on. That’s because it feels like home. It’s where I’m meant to be.
The last few months have tested me. I didn’t get the promotion at work I applied for and now really struggle to motivate myself to even walk in there every day. My daughter’s anxiety has gotten so much worse and she is struggling every day, especially when it’s time to stay at my place and she’s away from her mother. And because I’m so busy, it’s been tough to have any time to myself.
But I have applied to a couple of great jobs in the past week and I’m still giving some effort at my current one. My daughter finally stayed over one night last weekend and it went ok. Then my psychologist made me realize it’s not my fault and she just needs to work through her anxieties.
Maybe I have finally found the family and friends I’ve been looking for all these years. People with similar interests and personalities. I just want to do every show now. Because it finally feels like home…